Don't Call Me Tubby

I’m not a big guy. But, I’m not huge either – a six-footer about fifteen pounds overweight. There’s a case to be made that I’m very close to the American average for a man my age in this era and, of course, I will argue in favor of it.

That said, it’s clear that the Chinese have a skewed notion of the terms “small”, “medium” and “large”. I submit that a Chinaman’s idea of large is somewhere between small and medium by American standards.

In case you think it’s going that way, this not a discussion of obesity in America, although, it does need to be discussed ongoing and addressed the same way.

Instead, I’m writing about an honest opinion difference based on cultural biases. Here’s the rub: If China is to continue a good trading relationship with the U-S and keep on flooding our retail markets with cheap consumer good then, for heaven’s sake, manufacture products meant for Americans built to American standards of size.

Although clothing is the most obvious category that springs to mind for a discussion on size, apparel is not the point of this post. The 2X t-shirt that still is too small for this 1X body is a great example of that problem. I resemble Baby Huey in it. But, I digress.

Specifically, this rant concerns bath tubs. Yep, you read right – bath tubs.

Allow me to explain: Recently my wife and I searched out and purchased another house, the purpose; a place large enough that my aging mother could move in with us and have a private living space to call her own. Long story short; we found it. The only problem is that the only shower in the house is in the bathroom designated as part of Mom’s private space. The bathroom my wife and I share has only a tub which, incidentally, will be rectified as soon as I can find a contractor.

Now, visualize this, if you dare: I’m flat on my back in the tub, shoulders folded inward because I’m too wide to lay flat in the darn thing, toes curled against the end and knees high in the air and my hands working feverishly from the wrists clutching a bar of soap because I can’t get enough arm action involved to move much. Comical, huh? Oh, by the way, when I finally do finish, my body slurps as I break the suction hold on it from the bottom. I’m not even going to explain the whole process of rolling over to stand. That’s another ordeal altogether.

Smile, giggle or laugh out loud, if you must, but, I’ll reserve laughter for a distant future time after our shower has been installed and I can look back on it. Right now I’m in no mood to even crack a smile but, God as my witness, I am clean.

I can say one thing with no hesitation; a wash cloth and a sink of warm water is beginning to look much more appealing.

Also, I am certain the tub was manufactured in China. So, the inclusion of their notion on size, I think, was warranted.

I could go on, but I really need to find that remodeling contractor now. What the heck did I do with the Yellow Pages?

Have a great day, y’all.

Author of
"Six Years' Worth"/Father's Press/mainstream/print & ebook

"Paradise Flawed"/Dream Books LLC/action-adventure/print & ebook
"Where Are You, Anne Bonny?"/Rogue Phoenix Press/ historical drama/ ebook only

“Trouble”, short story/CrossTIME Science Fiction Anthology, Vol. IX/print only

 “Dancing Away”/ short story/romance/Untreed Reads/ebook only

 “Annie’s World: Jake’s Legacy”/ATTM Press/soft science fiction/print & ebook

“Helping Hand For Ethan/Rogue Phoenix Press/young adult/print & ebook

 “Phobia”/Booktrope/suspense-thriller/print & ebook

 “Defining Family”/Whiskey Creek Press/young adult/print & ebook

 “The Last Radiant Heart” (re-release)/Sage Words Publishing/science fiction/print & ebook

COMING SOON

  “One Day In Lubbock” / Booktrope

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